13 July 2011

Melacholy and the Overwhelming Sadness

My mom-in-law came home from the hospital in January.

When she came home, hospice came with her.

With her illness, there were no expectations set with respect to how much time we would have with her.

Praise God she has been a real trooper for the last 7 months.

Lately there has been a tremendous change.

According to hospice, she is in the pre-active stage of death.

The pre-active stage of death can be 2-3 weeks, sometimes more.

Over the last few days, mom has told me she loves me countless times.

Over the last few days, mom has told me that I've been so good to her.

Over the last few days, mom has expressed abundant appreciation.

I am so thankful for this time with mom.

Selfishly, I want more time.

I need more time.

We haven't always been close.

There have been times when we didn't speak to each other for months.

I am filled with regret over the lost time.

I'm filled with sadness over what our relationship could have been.

What it should have been.

Sadly, a person got in the way...and we both allowed it.

There is no going back.

There is only here and now.

I will cherish this time that we measure, not in days but, in moments.

I will show her in word and in deed that I am here for her.

And I love her.

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes. Missy, don't regret ... remember the good, cherish it always. I'm sorry for your sadness. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. Melissa, you make me cry with this post :( I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. There is only here and now, you are right. Thank you so much for sharing.

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